Fatherhood stories: Quintus Jansen's Candid Take on Being a Dad
We dive into a heartwarming conversation between LDH's Kim Jansen and her husband, Quintus Jansen, as they discuss the joys and challenges of fatherhood. Quintus shares his thoughts on being a girl-dad, the evolving role of fathers today, and the importance of support for dads.
Reflecting on his childhood, Quintus highlights how fathers had limited opportunities to spend time with their children. They would leave for work early and return just before bedtime. However, he recognises that today's work-life balance allows for a more integrated and present fatherhood experience. Quintus believes that fathers need to be actively involved in their children's lives and better partners to working wives or mothers.
"Fathers were more distant in the past, and we need to play a more active role in our children's lives today,"
Quintus emphasises. He also understands that shielding children from the realities of life is not feasible. Instead, he believes that guiding children through their formative years can help them develop mindfulness, critical thinking, and intentional responses to the world while staying true to their values. Quintus acknowledges that there are certain lessons he wishes he had been taught that he is teaching his own girls.
In addition to exposing his children to various music genres to cultivate little music fans, Quintus has established rituals like affirmations to instil positive values. He emphasises that living these affirmations is crucial for them to become ingrained in their lives. Furthermore, Quintus creates a safe environment for his children to have difficult conversations and demonstrates the strength to admit when he is wrong and apologise through his actions. He also emphasises the need for congruence in our own lives to shape our children before external influences take hold.
In a poignant moment, Quintus highlights that children are mirrors for their parents. One of the challenges of fatherhood is facing flaws and traumas when you realise that your children are reflecting your behaviours.
"If you see something in them that you don't like, it's a sign that we must work on ourselves. Often, their behaviour reflects who we are, which can be a lot to process as an adult who believes they have it all figured out."
Regarding male friendships, Quintus acknowledges that they can be complex and lack the same level of vulnerability found in women's friendships.
"As men, it can be challenging to open up to one another, but there's a certain energy among us that lets us know we can rely on each other for anything."
Quintus believes that as he continues to evolve and grow, his role as a father will also transform. In the end, Quintus leaves us with a powerful lesson on the importance of self-reflection.
"As I choose to evolve and grow, my role as a father will naturally follow suit."