Reminder: The Psychology of Change
Change is a topic for the ages. We all know that change comes whether we’ve planned for it or not. Whether we are willing to accept it or not. Whether we have made peace with what is being left behind or not. Change is like rain, you accommodate it, it doesn’t accommodate you.
You’d think that we’d be change experts by now or at least not less resistant to change but the truth is, you just don’t get used to it. As consistent as it is, change is perhaps one of the things we delude ourselves about most. Some of us choose denial in the face of change, others choose dismissal, both very poor strategies to deal with change. But when the dust settles, it’s safe to say, we all know when the wind has shifted and it’s time to head in a new direction.
But what about change you want or change you desperately need? How do we change ourselves so we can change our lives?
I think self-change the hardest to carry through because unlike external change, this is induced and maintained by you. When we want to change ourselves, no one can do it for us.
Phycologists have been studying change for years and in this article, I am going to share some of their discoveries to help you in your transitions.
Cut the cake up
Research by psychologist James O. Prochaska, Ph.D., an internationally renowned expert on planned change, has repeatedly found that change occurs in stages. To heighten your chance of successfully implementing a new habit, you have to work in increments. Sudden changes seldomly stick.
Don’t stay stuck on fear
Don’t stay in a space that no longer feeds your heart, your passions, your purpose because you’re too afraid of the unknown. Instead, evaluate the ‘other side’. Weigh out the risks and make the unknown less daunting by seeking some clarity.
Reward yourself
The reason why animals are given treats for tricks is because thats how trainers get the routine to stick. We are the same. Positive reinforcement is not only encouraging but it plants a seed in our brains which helps us become less resistant to the change. Rational people don't continue activities that are more painful than they are rewarding.
Ask for feedback
A study in the British Journal of Psychology found that reflecting on personal experiences with others is key to successful change. When other people can notice your change, it can feel more real and also very validating. The only kicker is, feedback about your past behaviour can still bring you shame if you haven’t lovingly accepted it as a past you can’t change and that no longer defines you.
Slow & Steady wins the race
Everything has its own natural speed and when altered, things can quickly go wrong. Change is most effective when it occurs slowly, allowing behaviors to become automatic. Change also needs patience so you don’t give-up at the sight of your first relapse. Remember that a journey, especially one involving change, isn’t linear.
Compassion. Compassion. Did I mention compassion?
If you are going to make a change stick, you are going to need to look at yourself through loving eyes. It’s natural to feel disappointed when we don’t show up as best as we know we can or when we slip up but that should not turn to shame. After the disappointment must come self-compassion. Knowing that you can always try again tomorrow is your saving grace.
The above practises were much easier to write than what you will experience trying to execute them but when you get each right, you will find that improving oneself shouldn’t feel like punishment but a deep sense of self-love.
By Phemelo Segoe