To equality and beyond: Part I
I have a deep love for relationships, I always have. So much so that I have been told I value others more than myself (I’m a work in progress; I have grown tremendously in this area and I think that statement is debatable…but I digress).
“Equality” is something you hear about more and more frequently, and you should. Have you looked up the definition of equality though? Well just in case you haven’t:
“Equality refers to the state of being equal, especially in status, rights or opportunities.” #Eachforequal in relationships really got me thinking. I sat down to write this assuming it would be a breeze, but I should have known better. How naïve of me… naïve as we are only now waking up to the deeply rooted gender-based violence and crimes of “passion” in South Africa. My heart aches to think of it and there are women, and men, fighting for this to change. So it is with sensitivity and respect that I progress with my train of thought. While this seems insurmountable at this stage, I believe that we are at least attempting to raise the next generation to treat one another with greater love and respect in this regard and as a result, I believe that we will reach a point where there is more equality in relationships:
This could be a good starting point then. What is equality in relationships? Married for 12 years this year, I know it not to be as black and white or as much of a 50/50 split in absolutely everything. No, it’s hardly that. We are so unique as individuals that each and every relationship, I believe, has its own definition of equality. We change and grow, which means that the various aspects of equality may mean more or less to us at various stages of our lives.
As this notion takes root in my heart and mind, I have put together a few thoughts that have helped me identify equality in my own relationships, and perhaps you could use this to help you determine what equality means to you.
· Do you feel that your individuality is allowed to blossom? Are you free to grow as individuals while consciously aiming to grow together? Initially, I thought that “becoming one” meant doing everything together, having the same perspectives etcetera etcetera etcetera. Being secure enough to have your own hobbies or your own circle of friends who support the relationship is necessary; time alone and time together is so important. Don’t lose yourself in the name of love.
· Is your voice heard and do you feel safe in the relationship? Disagreements and arguments are ineluctable. Equality in this instance means having your voice heard with respect, knowing that you are safe enough to express your thoughts, with neither fear nor judgement.
· Do you both have a healthy understanding of the finances and who pays for what? This can be a deal-breaker and it really doesn’t have to be. No relationship should be defined by the parameters of money, but it plays a significant role. Again, I don’t mean 50/50 payment terms. One partner could pay for everything while the other contributes in other ways. Money is another means of adding value: if you’re a stay-at-home parent, that’s another way of adding value. If you’re both comfortable and speak freely concerning this, there is a good chance quality in this regard is blossoming. If you feel abused or unable to express how you feel in this area, perhaps you need to work on this area. A demonstration of respect and responsibility goes a long way, no matter who earns more or who pays for what. You or your partner may not need equal splitting of the bills, but you may need equality in understanding and how you treat the money that belongs to your household.
· Do you both take responsibility for managing the household or family? You are not your partner’s parent (louder for the people in the back please). Find ways that work for you both. Some people love cleaning while others love cooking or cleaning cars.
The aforementioned may be different for you, but I believe this covers important aspects that could define equality in your relationship.
Perhaps, as we celebrate and strive for equality, we can, in fact, take things just one step further.
#eachforequal #complementarycouples #value #relationships #family.
(Kim Jansen is a professional MC, Presenter, Speaker, Voice Over Artist and Copywriter while holding down the roles of superwife, supermom, super daughter and super friend on a full-time basis)
Insta: kimj777